Sunday, 27 February 2011

JEALOUSY

Greetings Bloggers!

I am busy packing in preparation for my trip to Solitude Retreat! I can’t wait to go on this little vacation, I haven’t been able to take a holiday for over a year and I need this break to replenish my spirit! My sisters and I booked two cottages at the retreat, which looks like something out of a fairytale...surrounded by trees, beautiful flowers and a lake. I look forward to canoeing and trying my hand at fishing for the first time! Shiraz will be joining me, so I have my very own caveman to fight off the imaginary bears I’ll tell him I can hear growling in the middle of the night!

Even though jealousy is not technically considered one of the seven deadly sins, I thought I would touch on this emotion. In my eyes, jealousy IS sinful, it sparks emotions that make you feel physically sick and can lead you to do some pretty despicable things!
I value my reputation and believe in being a lady at all times. Very few people have seen me lose my temper. I do not believe in giving advice on something I haven’t learned, felt or encountered myself, and jealousy has certainly made me do some things that I am not proud of.  There have indeed been a few poor souls who have had to deal with the wrath of this lady scorned in the past.  I am human, push me far enough and you will have a problem.

Before I met Shiraz, most of my relationships were destroyed because of infidelity. There comes a time in your life where you learn to trust in the wisdom of a divine plan and realize that everything happens for a reason. But before you come to that realization, especially in matters of love, jealousy can be an emotion that destroys you.

I have had men cheat on me behind my back, right in front of my face, with close female friends. I have had the women those men cheated on me with harass me at work, in my home, stalk me. I even had virtually the whole of Durban girls High defame a work of art I had made for a very ungrateful boyfriend when I was seventeen. We had been dating for over a year and this new girlfriend of his made my life a living hell. She managed to get hold of a huge card I made for his birthday and took it to her school to scribble on it with all her friends. She quickly spread a rumour around school that I stole her boyfriend, when in fact he was mine first to begin with, and loads of girls started to call and harass me.

In reality, no one can ‘steal’ your partner. If your partner is ready and willing to cheat on you then he or she is to blame – not the other person! I know this is a hard thing to wrap your head around, but temptation is part of all our lives. The difference between a person who cheats and a person who is loyal is this- The ones who remain loyal to you really care about you and your happiness. They have respect for you. Even though they may eye attractive people now and then, (its human nature, we all do it, don’t pretend you don’t eye hotties!) they wont cheat because they love you so much. People who do cheat don’t care about you. Even if they say they care about you, they don’t care enough. They only care about themselves, and need constant reassurance that they are desirable.

Jealousy in love is one of the most hurtful and destructive emotions as it can lead you to do, say and behave in a way that you will indeed regret later. I once got so jealous that I lost my mind, went stark raving mad, after suspecting someone cheating on me and started attacking him physically. I hit him so hard I knocked the cigarette out of his mouth and people had to separate us physically. The sad truth -he wasn’t cheating on me after all and I was left feeling like an insecure idiot who couldn’t control her emotions. That was a turning point for me. I had to look myself in the mirror and realize that I was worthy, I was beautiful and I deserved someone who was completely loyal to me. Ever since that eye-opening day I have made sure I kept jealousy in check.
Sometimes people feel that if a partner shows jealousy, it shows love. I think jealousy shows insecurity and possessiveness more than anything.
Recently one of my moms co-workers (We will call her Jane) was involved with an attached guy-she had no idea had a girlfriend. After finding this out, she approached the two of them and warned this other woman that the guy was a two-timer and he was lying to her. Instead of thanking Jane for disclosing this information and giving her the heads up, this other woman went mad. Jealousy took over her brain and all she saw was another woman in her man’s life. She wasn’t thinking clearly-it takes two to tango and she directed her wrath against this poor other girl who had no idea she even existed in the first place!
To cut a long story short, the police had to intervene, as Jane was being tormented by frequent phone calls that had turned very nasty. The other woman started threatening to kill her, fearing for Jane’s safety, she was forced to leave work - All this because someone was consumed with jealousy.

If you have a tendency to feel jealous easily, I’m sending you a big hug right now. You need to know that you are a very special person who just needs to feel secure. Insecurity comes from not trusting life. Lovers will come and go but life has a way of always making sure you are on track. When relationships are destroyed because of jealousy, understand that perhaps you needed to leave him/ her. Only when your hands are empty can the universe bring you new blessings of love.
There is always a higher plan in action and a higher power at play. You are a student of life. Master your emotions, and your lessons will be easier to learn and pass. Sometimes the hardest thing to learn is that you don’t ever own anyone, people are not objects. The ones we are blessed with in true love are given to us to care for, honour and love, but we truly don’t ever own anyone. In Michael Jackson’s book ‘Dancing the Dream’, he wrote ‘Love is like a bar of wet soap, hold on too tight and it will slip away from your fingers.’

The next time the jealousy bug bites you, breathe deeply. Calm yourself down. Have a cup of tea or glass of water. When you can think clearly, that’s when creative solutions will come to you. In the heat of the moment we can all do and say things we don’t really mean. Compose yourself and always remind yourself that you are special and everything will be alright.

Love, Light and Angel Blessings,
Your Resident Psychic & Spirit Medium,
Tennille*

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